Parent Newsletters - Issue 5

No Limits Learning
kids goals Ezine

Issue 5/ March 25th 2006

IN THIS PARENT NEWSLETTER

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS
2. POSITIVE TALK
3. POSITIVE PARENTING
4. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS
5 TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)
6. WORDS OF INSPIRATION
7 SPONSORS

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS

Welcome to the next issue of kidsgoals.com Newsletter

Spring has always been one of my favourite times of year. It is a time of renewal and introspection. It is also a good time to look at our parenting skills and ask these questions: "What am I doing right?" And, "Where could I improve?"

The articles for this issue deal with a more positive approach to parenting. In our fist article you will find suggestions on how to talk to your children in a kinder, more productive way. My Mother always told me, "It isn't what you say, it is how you say it." There is an effective way to get your point across when you are upset with your child's behaviour without making them feel shamed or ridiculed.

The second article deals with "positive reinforcement", a technique where you catch your children behaving well and reward them for it. Initially it will seem like a little more work but the outcome will be well worth the effort!!

If there is someone you think will benefit from this free ezine please invite him or her to join our growing list of subscribers. The More the Merrier.

Please help us by emailing Cassie or Monicka at kidsgoals.com with your questions, comments and suggestions for future issues.

2. POSITIVE TALK

For positive parenting, the words we use with our children play a big part in shaping their attitudes, their thoughts and their lives.

The other day in the supermarket I overheard a harassed mother trying to get her small child under control and my toes curled to hear the things she was saying! Things like "Shut up", "you're always so naughty", "wait till I catch you you'll be sorry" and swear words and insults sprinkled in that I can't even bring myself to repeat. I felt for that little child, seeing in action a supposedly responsible adult destroying his self-esteem, giving him the belief that he's a bad person. It made me want to weep.

That's a really extreme example. But seeing things like that makes me become very aware of the words I use in all my interactions. Children are so vulnerable that even without realizing it we can damage them by using negative words and phrases.

It's easy to fall into the habit of using a really negative word when a gentler alternative is possible. All children do things from time to time that are inappropriate and it's necessary to tell them so. Sometime they do things repeatedly. It might be hitting a sibling, or refusing to go to bed on time for instance. What if without thinking we got into a habit of saying, "I hate that you're always picking on your sister." It's an appropriate thing to tackle - our child needs to know that behaviour is inappropriate! But there are two problems with that sentence. "Hate" is a very intense word! And "always" suggests to our child that we don't believe he can change for the better.

What if we simply replaced this sentence with a less negative one, such as: "It peeves me when you pick on your sister."

If we can add something positive, like: "I know you can do better because usually you two get on so well," then that is even better!

So reducing the power of the negative by choosing words that are less intense is a good start to a calmer household.

Here are some intense negative words, with some suggestions of my favourite alternatives:
Hate --- Dislike
Furious / Livid --- Annoyed / Peeved / a bit Cranky
Mad --- Displeased
Disgusted --- Surprised

Another way to approach this is to turn things around on their head completely! Like this:

Before I would say:
"I'm so depressed today."

Instead I can choose:
"I'm not as happy as I could be today."

Or:
"I'm in a foul temper."
Becomes:
"I'll calm down again in a little while."

Or even a simple thing like:
"I'm freezing cold."
Can change to:
"I could be warmer!"

I love changing my vocabulary that way because it makes me focus on the positive, which just seems to bring more positive things - more warmth, calm and happiness - into my life. I hope this idea can do the same for you and your children!

Finally, what about enhancing the positive words you already use with your children to make them not just nice but FANTASTIC?

"Well done," could become "That was impeccable."
"Nice" becomes "Awesome."
"Determined" - "Unstoppable."
"Great" - "Phenomenal."

You can have great fun with this idea - you can expand your child's vocabulary and share some wonderful emotions that positive words inspire in both of you!

3. POSITIVE PARENTING

Positive Reinforcement

The reasons we as parents use punishment in the first place are to reinforce the good behavior of our children and eliminate his/her bad behavior. The problem with this is that we sometimes forget to praise a child when their behavior is pleasing to us, but we are quick to react when their behaviour displeases us. If the only attention a child receives is when he/she behaves badly what incentive is there for him/her to behave well? More importantly, think of the damage that is being done to this child's self-confidence. Children's feelings of self worth are influenced by how we communicate with them, so It is imperative that they always feel loved and accepted no matter what. Positive reinforcement is an effective method that will leave your child with their self-esteem intact. At first you may feel like it is more work because you must constantly be aware of your child's behaviour, but when it is used consistently in your family, you will find that you are able to communicate with your child much easier and more importantly your child will gain the needed confidence and self esteem that is lacking in many children today. When used correctly, positive reinforcement will inspire confidence in your child for years to come and teach them how to communicate with others.

The basis of positive reinforcement is to catch your child when he/she is doing something that pleases you, recognizing it and rewarding it very quickly and as often as possible. By rewards we mean you could praise your child, show affection such as a hug or a pat on the shoulder, or give specific rewards such as he/she can pick what they want for dinner or choose what television program the family will watch that evening. The most important part of this is to give your child positive feed back about his behaviour. Look them directly in the eye and say, "I like the way you combed your hair without me asking you," or "I like that you finished your homework without me asking you." Another method is to have a chart with his or her name on it, specify the behavior and put a gold star next to the behavior. This seems to work best for early school age children. For older children use points for positive behavior that add up to a small reward at the end of the week (depending on your budget), such as renting their favorite movie or some other activity that you can do together. Make a list of the rewards for a particular amount of points. The reward should be something that pleases your child and he/she should have a say in what that will be. It is also important that your child help design how the chart will look. Let them personalize it by using their favourite colours or drawing pictures. Keep this chart in an area where your child can see it, so it can be a constant reminder.

The chart is only to be used as a measure of success. Do not use demerits when your child misbehaves, rather use other forms of discipline such as no video games or television for a set amount of time, or a time out to think about their inappropriate behavior. After a while you will find that you can phase out the chart as children eventually internalize the positive behavior and may even forget to ask for their stars or points.

Finally, even when disciplining your child for inappropriate behavior never say that your child is bad for hitting his sister; instead say that you are upset because hitting his sister was not a nice thing to do and he must lose a privilege or have a time out to think about it. In this way, the child realizes that the behavior was bad but he was not.

"A torn jacket is soon mended but hard words bruise the heart of a child." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

4 KIDS CORNER

COOKING WITH YOUR CHILD - CINNAMON SNACK MIX

(age 5 and up with adult supervision)

5 8 oz. Cups of graham cereal
3 cups bear shaped graham cookies (any flavour)
2 cups broken ramen noodles
1 cup sliced almonds
1 cup golden raisins
1/3-cup butter
1/3-cup honey
1 teaspoon orange juice
1-teaspoon cinnamon

1-Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees centigrade)

2-In a large bowl combine honey graham cereal; bear shaped graham cookies, ramen noodles, almonds and golden raisins

3-In a small saucepan over low heat, melt butter and blend in honey and orange juice and cinnamon. Spread over honey graham cereal mixture and toss to coat.

4-Spread mixture on a large baking sheet and bake for 10 minutes.

KIDS CRAFTS - EGG CARTON TULIPS

(Age five and up with adult supervision)

Supplies needed:
* Foam or cardboard egg cartons
* Green pipe cleaners
* Tempera or poster paint and coloured markers
* Hot or white glue, scissors

Cut the cartons sections to look like a tulips Using tempera paint, decorate the shells to look like tulips. Let the paint dry overnight. When the paint is completely dry, add details to the tulips using markers.

Twirl one end of a green pipe cleaner into a spiral shape (this will be glued onto the base of the tulip).

Glue the spiral to the tulip (if using white glue, let it set for a few hours)

5. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE

Q: What is a baby's motto?
A: If at first you don't succeed cry, cry again

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with an elephant?
A: A very nervous postman.

Q: What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator door?
A: Close the door, I'm dressing!!

6 WORDS OF INSPIRATION

"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."
P. J. O'Rourke

"Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes to drain it dry."
Alvin Price

7. SPONSORS

If you can suggest any organizations or websites that might want to either sponsor this newsletter, or exchange links with KidsGoals.com, please email Cassie or myself.

Thank you, from Cassie and Monicka
*****

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