How do I Raise Happy and Successful Goal Setting Kids?

Parent Newsletters - Issue 40

No Limits Learning
kids goals Ezine

Issue 40, 28th July 2007

IN THIS PARENT NEWSLETTER

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS

2. EMPATHY AND SELF ESTEEM
3. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS
4. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)
5. WORDS OF INSPIRATION
6. SPONSORS

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS

Welcome to the next issue of the kidsgoals.com Newsletter.

As parents we tend to judge when our children are out of line and are quick to set them straight, but if our children are kind to their brother or sister or share a toy with a friend, we just naturally expect it of them and do not usually acknowledge the behavior by thanking them for their consideration. It is important to praise our children's empathetic behavior every chance we get. Very young children are not naturally empathetic and are not developmentally capable of understanding empathy, so it is up to us as parents and caregivers to teach them compassion and caring. In this issue we deal with this subject and show you a hands on approach to teach your children to be more compassionate and caring beings by acknowledging how they are feeling and showing empathy towards them when they are upset or angry.

Happy parenting,

Monicka

2. EMPATHY AND SELF ESTEEM

Empathy - A Powerful Tool You Can Use to Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem

We all know what empathy is, but did you realize that there are some really easy, simple ways you can incorporate using it in your day-to-day interactions with your child, to powerfully build their self-esteem?

Your child looks to you for approval - and one of the crucial things a child learns is whether or not you, his parents, accept ALL aspects of himself or only some. If, for example, a parent is extremely non-confrontational and believes that anger should never be expressed between loved ones, a child is likely to pick up on this belief and start to suppress his normal, healthy feelings of anger. When this suppression goes too far, psychologists call the effect "splitting" - the child partitions off the portion of his personality that wants to express anger, because it is too risky. He fears he will incur the parent's disapproval and may be rejected if he allows his anger to be expressed freely.

We'll look at anger specifically in more detail in another article, but the same applies to all the important emotions. Children need the freedom to express happiness, fear, anger and sadness, and a key job of the parent is to teach the child appropriate ways to express these emotions.

The most important step in giving your child the freedom, or permission, to express his emotions is to make it clear to him that any emotions he experiences are okay. No emotions are wrong, and it is always okay to express them in appropriate ways.

Perhaps the best way to illustrate how you can do this in a very simple, straightforward way is to give a couple of examples.

Example 1

The family is discussing their day at the dinner table.

Daughter: "Margie and I fell out at school today."

Father: "Gosh! Was that very upsetting?"

Daughter: "No, I'm just really mad at her."

Father: "You felt very angry."

Daughter (in an angry tone of voice): "Yeah! She's just SO stupid and annoying sometimes."

Father: "I can see you still feel annoyed with her. We all get angry with our friends on occasion."

Daughter: Tells the story in more detail, expressing her emotions with her tone of voice and facial expressions.

Father: Listens carefully and gives her feedback to mirror her emotions with body language and "uh-huh" type sounds. Continues to use brief phrases like "I see that made you are mad," to show he understands the emotions she felt/is feeling.

Outcome: The girl is able to fully express her emotions. The father can then gently lead her into talking about forgiveness and similar "solutions", but not at the expense of allowing her to express her anger first.

Why? It is normal to have angry emotions and children should not be taught to suppress them.

Example 2

It is time to leave the park and go home, and your four-year-old son doesn't want to go. He is about to throw a tantrum in the sandbox.

Son (angrily): "No! Not going home!" (Scowls and starts to kick sand at you)

You (deciding to take the time to handle this calmly rather than trying to rush, you sit down near him): "I can see you feel angry that it's time to stop playing." (You are acknowledging his feelings)

Son: (sits back down in the sand and grabs his truck): "I'm PLAYING!" (Very firmly)

You: "Are you feeling like you want to carry on playing?"

Son: Ignores you and makes playing sounds.

You: "I can tell you're enjoying your game. It would be nice to stay and play, but it's time for us to go home now."

Son: "NO!"

You: "It makes you feel angry that we have to stop playing for today. I understand."

This isn't a magic bullet to suddenly make your child compliant. You still have to get him out of the sandbox and he doesn't want that. But empathy can diffuse a situation and calm a child down (giving you more room to negotiate calmly with him, etc) And in the long term, it helps him grow up much more healthily from an emotional point of view.

This may all sound too simple and obvious but the truth is that many parents don't show empathy for ALL of their child's emotions. Some are empathetic about sadness but not anger, for example. Others are not at all empathetic about sadness, telling their child to "be a big boy," "don't cry," etc.

By giving your child the space to describe his emotions, and demonstrating over and over that you accept him and love him when he is feeling sad, angry or fearful as well as when he is happy, you are practicing real empathy, and giving him a powerful gift of self-esteem.

by Cassie

3. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS

SUPER BUBBLE MAKER

What you need:

• large bowl or bucket
• dish-washing soap (one 8 oz cup)
• glycerin (2 ounces or 1/4 cup)
• some wire or a wire hanger
• some string
• masking tape

Bend the hanger into a circle - be sure to bend the hook in so there is no danger to your child.

Wind the string tightly around the circle and tape it over where the hook is. Now you have a bubble wand.

Put 15 (8 oz.) cups of water in bowl or bucket, and add the dishwashing soap and then the glycerin. Stir the mixture gently.

Put the bubble wand into the mixture and lift it out. Let some of the liquid drip off and then move your bubble wand through the air!

EASY GRANOLA

• 1/3 cup light brown sugar
• 1/4 cup light tasting vegetable oil like Canola or Sunflower
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 3 1/2 cups regular oats
• 1/2 cup sunflower seeds or chopped nuts
• 16 oz dried mixed fruit (chopped) such as cherries, cranberries or any other dried fruit that your kids like
• Non-stick cooking spray

Combine brown sugar, oil, water, and salt in a small saucepan. Heat, stirring until sugar is melted. Drizzle mixture over oats, tossing well. Spray non-stick coating on a large shallow baking sheet and spread the oats on it.

Bake at 250° F. for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally (do not over bake or mixture will be bitter) and add the seeds or nuts during the last 10 minutes. Cool. Stir in dried fruit bits. Store in a tightly covered container or zip lock bag. Makes 6 cups.

4. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)

Q: What did the leg bone say to the foot?
A: "Stick with me and you'll go places."

Q: Do you know why orange juice is so smart?
A: It concentrates!

Q: What grows down when it grow up?
A: A goose

Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?
A: With tomato paste!

5. WORDS OF INSPIRATION

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." --Bonne Jean Wasman

"Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy." --Dean Koontz

"I hope to leave my children a sense of empathy and pity and a will to right social wrongs." --Anita Roddick

"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution." --Kahlil Gibran

6. YOUR FEEDBACK

If you would like to request any topics for the newsletter for 2007, please email Cassie or Monicka at kidsgoals.com.

Thank you, from Cassie and Monicka

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