Parent Newsletters - Issue 23

No Limits Learning
kids goals Ezine

Issue 23, December 2nd, /06

IN THIS PARENT NEWSLETTER

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS
2. NEW SIBLING IN THE FAMILY
3. DISCIPLINING WITH LOVE
4. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS
5. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)
6. WORDS OF INSPIRATION
7. SPONSORS

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS

Welcome to the next issue of the kidsgoals.com Newsletter. Although a new baby can bring a lot of joy into a family it can sometimes take awhile for your other children to appreciate that little bundle. In this issue you will find tips on how to prepare your child for the new arrival and also how to deal with a jealous sibling. You may even find you will have to discipline your child if they show aggression towards the new baby; the next article will show you how to discipline your child in a loving and constructive way.

Happy Parenting,

From Monicka

2. NEW SIBLING IN THE FAMILY

There was a five year age difference between my youngest daughter and her brother, so by the time the new baby came home I think my daughter thought of our son as one of her dolls and was very good about helping me with his changes and feedings. Even before he was born she would lay her head on my tummy and talk to him. She named him baby Eric and was positive he was going to be a boy.

I was very blessed that all my children for the most part seemed to be accepting of their new siblings. Unfortunately that is not always the case and a new baby in the house can sometimes be unsettling for the other child/children especially if they have been the center of attention for the last while and now everyone is ooohing and ahhhing over the new baby.

Here are some suggestions and tips to make it easier on your child:

Before baby comes prepare your child as best as you can - Explain about the upcoming event about three months before your due date. Your child can actually see the baby growing as your belly expands and he can see the baby move and feel it kicking. You can show him when the baby is expected on the calendar and the two of you can mark the days off as they go by. Let your child help you decorate the baby’s room and help to pick out some of the items the baby will need such as blankets and comforters sleepers etc.

Tell your child what he/she can expect once you go into labor - A few weeks before your expected due date advise your child what is going to happen when the baby is ready to be born. Give him notice about where he will be staying while you are in the hospital. Tell your child you will only be in the hospital a few days but they can visit once you have the baby.

Once baby comes - Make sure your child is there with the rest of the family so he can feel like he is an important part of the baby’s birth. Take pictures of your child with the new baby. Let your child help you with taking care of the baby. Let him be a part of the bath routine, helping to wash baby and gently dry him. If your child asks to hold the baby have him sit on a chair with pillows on either side and then put baby on his lap staying close by to make sure baby doesn’t fall. Let him hold the bottle during feeds or help to tape the diapers if you are using disposable. It is also a good idea to ask your child for suggestions about what baby should wear today giving them choices such as, “Should your little brother wear the yellow booties or blue booties today?” Some children have no interest at first in helping with baby so never force your child to do more for baby than he wants to. It will only make him resent the baby if you insist that he helps. Make sure to give your child attention even if it is only for a few minutes at a time. You may have to hand the crying baby to your husband from time to time if your child is demanding your attention.

If your child is showing aggression - Do not be shocked if your child hits, pinches or even tries to hug the new baby too tightly. Explain that it is not OK to hurt the baby but never humiliate or punish your child physically. It is important to tell him that you will not accept that behavior and give him a time out to think about what he has done. Never leave a younger child alone with a newborn even if he is usually affectionate with the baby; but try to assure him that it is not because you can’t trust him.

Try to be as supportive as you can with your child as they become accustomed to their new sibling. Assure your child that you still love him just as much as you ever did and that at first baby make take a lot of Mommy’s time; but his new brother or sister will not be a baby forever.

By Monicka

3. LOVING DISCIPLINE, EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE

The goal of loving discipline is to have your child behave because he wants to behave, not because he is afraid of you. For discipline to be effective, you need to have the right blend of predictability and flexibility.

The basic recipe for loving and effective discipline is:

1. Clear rules that everyone in the house understands. Do not allow your child to play ball in the kitchen if you know your spouse will tell him off for doing the same thing the next day.

2. Reasonable, age-appropriate consequences. This could be a short time-out for a toddler, or the temporary loss of a privilege for an older child.

3. Predictable results - Ensure your child knows what the consequences will be if he misbehaves, and stick to these consequences.

4. Flexibility – take the time to listen to your child’s point of view and be willing to discuss changes to your household rules and consequences if such changes are justified.

5. Most importantly – a lot of love!

When deciding on an appropriate discipline regime, the first thing you should consider is which misdemeanors you can deal with simply by ignoring them. A lot of poor behavior has its roots in attention seeking, and if you can ignore your child rather than disciplining him when he misbehaves, this will be very effective in the long run. Be sure to watch out for your child behaving well, and give him plenty of love and attention at these times.

Some misbehavior, because it is dangerous or can damage other people, or property, needs to be addressed more directly. Whenever it’s possible and safe to do so, give you child a warning – a kind but firm verbal reminder - so he has the opportunity to stop and change his behavior.

If after a warning the behavior continues, remain calm while disciplining your child. Make it very clear that the discipline relates to the behavior. Do not say things that directly attack your child, such as “You’re such a bad boy!” Rather, refer to the behavior, for instance, “It’s a shame you’re snatching from your sister today, now you need to go and sit on the time-out chair.”

ALWAYS

Stay calm when you discipline your child.
Model the behavior you want your child to demonstrate. If you want him to be polite, be polite yourself. If you want him to listen to you, make sure you listen to him too.
Make sure you remind your child that he is valued and loved; it is only his behavior, which is temporary, that you are not happy with.
Follow through – if you say that a consequence will result, ensure it does.
Spend more time and effort catching and rewarding positive behavior than disciplining your child for poor behavior.
Minimize stressors in your child’s life and ensure you are providing a supportive, nurturing environment.
Provide plenty of positive attention and positive reinforcement.

NEVER

Hit out at your child in anger – if you feel you are getting close to doing this, ensure he is in a safe place and walk away from him.
Expect your child to behave better than you do. If you don’t want him to hit, don’t hit. If you don’t want him to lose his temper, don’t lose yours.
Make empty and frightening threats – of physical harm or abandonment for example.
Humiliate your child or deliberately damage his self-esteem.
Punish young children hours after they have misbehaved – they won’t link the two and it will be both cruel and ineffective

And finally, don’t have unrealistic expectations. Children need to test the limits and cannot be expected to be perfect at all times. Have age-appropriate expectations of your children.

Toddlers learn by trying things out in the physical world and do not understand that their actions can be dangerous or harmful. Children need plenty of affection and attention if they are to remain compliant and well behaved. Teenagers have to test the boundaries and try out new things in preparation for standing on their own two feet as adults.

All these stages mean that some of the behaviors that emerge will be somewhat inconvenient for you! Follow the tips of positive, loving discipline, expect yourself to be a good enough parent and expect your child to be a good enough child – no one is perfect.

By Cassie

4. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS

Easy Peanut Butter Cookies

(with adult supervision)

Preheat oven to 350 F or 180 C or Gas mark 4

1 cup peanut butter smooth or crunchy (or other nut butters if allergic to peanuts)
1 cup white sugar
1 egg

Blend all ingredients in bowl. Roll into tablespoon size balls and squash with tines of a fork both ways to make crisscross pattern and bake for approximately 10 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool in baking tray until firm before removing.

Handprint Wreath

(with adult supervision)

Colored construction paper or felt
Pen or pencil to trace hands
Glue
Glitter
Sequins
Ribbons
Scissors
Paper plate

Instructions:
1. Cut the center from a paper plate for the base of wreath.
2. Punch a hole at the top of the paper plate about 1" down.
3. Lace string through and tie a knot for hanging wreath.
4. Trace and cut out 15-20 of your children’s handprints.
5. Glue hands around the rim of the paper plate.
6. Decorate with bow ribbons glitter and sequins

5. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)

What happens when you cross a cat with Christmas?
Santy claws (from Justin G)

What do vampires get in the winter?
Frost bites (from Justin G)

Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?
So he can ho ho ho (from Justin G)

6. WORDS OF INSPIRATION

“I, who have no sisters or brothers, look with some degree of innocent envy on those who may be said to be born to friends.” ~James Boswell

“A friend is a brother who was once a bother.” ~Author Unknown

“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time.” ~Winston Pendelton

“The mother may be doing ninety percent of the disciplining, but the father still must have a full-time acceptance of all the children. He never must say, ‘Get these kids out of here; I'm trying to watch TV.’ If he ever does start saying this, he is liable to see one of his kids on the six o'clock news.” -- Bill Cosby

7. SPONSORS

If you can suggest any organizations or websites that might want to sponsor this newsletter, or reprint our articles, please email Cassie or Monicka at kidsgoals.com.

To receive regular installments of the kids goals parent newsletters please scroll to the top of the page and subscribe today!

Join Today! FREE Parent Newsletter for Kids Goal Setting and Parenting Resources