Parent Newsletters - Issue 22

No Limits Learning
kids goals Ezine

Issue 22, November 18th, /06

IN THIS PARENT NEWSLETTER

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS
2. LYING
3. BEDWETTING
4. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS
5. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)
6. WORDS OF INSPIRATION
7. SPONSORS

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS

Welcome to the next issue of the KidsGoals.com Newsletter. Lying is not uncommon in children and is a normal part of a child’s development. If you are concerned your child may be becoming a compulsive liar our first article will give you suggestions on how you can encourage your child to be more truthful.

If you have, or know, a child with behavioral difficulties such as compulsive lying, you may be interested in a book called “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach for Helping Attachment-Challenged Children with Severe Behaviors”. If this interests you, please watch out for our review of this book, coming in the next newsletter along with a special offer for KidsGoals subscribers!

Bedwetting is also a very common occurrence in young children. Our next article deals with how you and your child can get through this stressful time and to help you decide if professional help is needed.

Happy Parenting,

From Monicka and Cassie

2. LYING

I caught my 15-year-old daughter in a bold faced lie the other day. I had asked her to walk our dog while I was out shopping and she said she had. It was very obvious that the dog had not been walked, so I called her on it. At first she tried to defend herself but then decided maybe it was better to ’fess up and she apologized and said she had forgotten. Why she felt she had to lie in the first place is the mystery.

Most kids will lie once in awhile and for a variety of reasons. Parents may be upset when their child lies to them but they must also realize that it is usually a normal part of childhood development. For instance, preschoolers do not yet understand that lying is not a good thing. They will sometimes make up stories that aren’t true or exaggerate something that is true. Children at this age have incredible imaginations and are just learning to tell the difference between fact and fantasy. When children of this age tell stories it may be because they wish it were true.

Parents of preschoolers can either listen to their children’s tales and say nothing, or they can use this as an opportunity to take what the child says and inject some truth into it. If for instance the child says, “I can eat a thousand jelly beans,” you could reply, “You wish you could eat a thousand jelly beans don’t you honey?’’

Preschoolers will also lie to get out of something or to get something that they want, but at this age they don’t realize that there is anything wrong with this tactic. When children tell these types of lies it is best if the parent tries not to react, but it is important to point out that it is wrong to lie and it is always best to tell the truth. You can tell your child how happy it makes you when he tells the truth and how hard it is for you build trust with him when he doesn’t.

Once children enter school they start to understand that lying is wrong. At this stage it is a good idea to offer some sort of discipline. It is still quite common for children this age to lie for various reasons such as:

To boost their self confidence - Children sometimes tell lies to get attention and praise
To get something - Children may lie to get something they want
To protect someone they care about
To avoid punishment - Some children will lie to get out of trouble
If they hear their parents lie - Since children learn by example they may be more inclined to lie if their parents tell lies

There is a lot that parents can do to encourage their children to tell the truth and the younger the child is, the better. You can let your child know that telling the truth helps other people to trust and believe him, and that lying is dishonest and there are consequences for being dishonest. Try to have open communication with your child so they feel it is safe to tell you the truth when they have done something wrong. Remember that children model their parents so try to set a good example by not lying to your children and trying to be as honest as possible yourself.

There should be specific rules for lying and a specific discipline if your child lies. It is a good idea to discuss what the discipline will be beforehand so the child knows well in advance what the consequence is if he chooses to lie. There should also be separate disciplines for bad behavior and lying. When a child misbehaves but is honest about it, the punishment should be a lot less than if the child misbehaves and lies about it. It is also important not to make the punishment too severe or your child may continue to lie to keep from being punished.

Parents need to be consistent and follow through with discipline, never reward your child when he lies. For example, when he lies to get something he wants, make sure he does not get it. Try not to shame your children or make them feel guilty. You can let your child know you are unhappy with his behavior but you still love him.

It is a good idea to look at the reasons your child is lying. Look for patterns in your children’s lies. Some children lie to boost their self-esteem so if your child seems to be lying for that reason look for ways to help him feel better about himself. Always praise your child when he tells the truth. If you make a point to praise the good behavior a child is more likely to repeat it. (See article on Positive Reinforcement)

If you are worried that your child is becoming a compulsive liar it may be time to seek professional help, as there could be an underlying problem.

By Monicka

3. BEDWETTING

Bedwetting or nocturnal enuresis is very common in children under the age of six. According to the National Sleep Foundation it is estimated that seven million children in the U.S. wet their bed on a regular basis. It is more common in boys than girls and it usually runs in families.

If your child is a bed wetter it can be a very trying time for you but even worse for your child. He may feel guilty and embarrassed and behavioral problems may develop stemming from these feelings. It is very important that you explain to your child that it is not his fault.

A child does not wet the bed because he is too lazy to get up to go to the bathroom at night and children do not wet the bed to upset their parents or to get attention. The process of controlling the bladder at night is usually the last stage of potty training and bedwetting up to the age of five is very common but parents need to keep in mind that most children will eventually stop naturally. If a child continues to wet the bed more than twice a month after the age of six, medical intervention may be needed. Some of the causes of bedwetting after the age of six may be:

· Difficulties waking up when asleep
· Slower than normal development of the central nervous system-which makes it hard for the child to stop the bladder from emptying at night
· Urinary tract infections
· Inability to hold urine for a long time due to a smaller than normal bladder
· Hormonal factors such as not enough anti-diuretic hormone which reduces the amount of urine made in the kidneys
· Abnormalities in the urethral valve in boys and the ureter in girls or boys

Bedwetting will usually go away all on its own but until your child is able to have dry nights it is very important to provide love and support and to try and stay positive. Make sure to tell your child that bedwetting is a normal part of his development and it won’t last forever. Try to remind your child to empty his bladder before he goes to sleep at night and limit the amount of liquids he consumes before bed. When your child wakes up with wet sheets have him help you change the sheets not as a punishment but more to have him feel better because he has helped you out.

If your child suddenly starts wetting the bed after being consistently dry for six months or more or if your child begins to wet his pants during the day or complains about a burning feeling when he urinates it is a good idea to call your doctor.

Finally, try to be patient with your child as he is going through this process and offer lots of hugs. You must NEVER punish your child for wetting the bed. He is feeling bad enough and getting angry will only have a negative affect on his already fragile self-esteem. If you are concerned about your child’s bedwetting talk to your family doctor, even if it is just to be reassured that this is a normal part of your child’s development and this too shall pass.

By Monicka

4. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS

Kids Photo Frame Craft

Grandparents, aunties and uncles and godparents always love to get photos of their favorite children. Nice frames can be expensive to buy and impersonal too. Why not get your children to help you create some frames with bits and pieces you have lying around your house? You will all have great fun doing it and will produce fun little frames that will be especially treasured because the kids had a hand in making them. Be warned – this idea is addictive!

Kids photo frames (with adult supervision)

Empty CD boxes

Scissors and glue

Craft supplies and household bits and pieces (see suggestions below)

We always seem to have empty CD boxes lying around – and if you don’t, you can buy them very cheaply at computer or record stores.

Instructions:

Open your CD box and take out the paper inserts and the molded plastic piece into which the CD itself fits.

Cut your photo to just smaller than the box. You will be fitting it into the back of the box with the hinged edge at the top, so about 4 inches wide and 4 ľ inches high is perfect, but don’t worry too much! Fix the photo against the plastic with a few small pieces of sticky-tape. Find a nice piece of cardboard, gift wrap or fun foam which will complement your design and cut this to fit snugly behind the photo and to the edges of the frame (4 ľ inches wide, 5 Ľ inches high). Fix with glue or sticky-tape with the pattern, if any, facing into the box. When your frame is finished you will open the box out to stand it up, so this backing protects your photo.

Now all you need to do is draw a line of glue on the outside edges of the front of the CD box and start decorating! Use whatever you have to hand. You can build on the theme of the photo, the season, or the particular interests of the recipient.

Artwork instead of a photo

Another idea is to use some “artwork” which the children have created instead of a photo, and surround it with something which complements the work. Get a little one to write “I Love You Grandma” in their best writing and then stick on their own choice of stickers and beads, and you will have created a present which will be treasured forever!

Here are some decorating ideas to get you started:

For photos of girls:

Sparkly beads – either individual or pre-strung necklaces
Pearl beads (you may be able to buy an old “pearl” necklace in a charity shop cheaply)
Jewels (available from craft shops)
Glass nuggets (for flower arranging, they come in gorgeous colors)
Tiny silk flowers
Pretty flower braid, with the individual flowers cut apart and interspersed with silk leaves or green ribbon
Tiny Barbie figures (fast food give-always)
Left over or “odd” doll’s shoes and accessories

For photos of boys:

Jelly beans
Tiny plastic soldiers
Tiny cars
Wheels of assorted shapes and sizes!
Lego pieces. This looks great!
Peanuts in shells
Toy insects, plastic dinosaurs or farm animals
Stamps (buy a collectors’ pack of football stamps, for example)
Left-over or “odd” action man accessories – shoes, boots, helmets etc

Yummy Spinach dip

(great way to get your kids to eat spinach)

2 cups sour cream or for a little lighter version use one cup plain yogurt and one cup sour cream
1 1/2 cups mayonnaise regular or light
1 pkg. vegetable soup mix
Dash of Worcestershire sauce
1 garlic clove, minced
1 pkg. frozen spinach, chopped
1 loaf of round pumpernickel or sourdough bread
1 loaf Italian bread

1. In a medium-sized bowl, mix together the sour cream, mayonnaise, soup mix, Worcestershire sauce and garlic.

2. Defrost the spinach: rinse it and squeeze it dry. Mix it into the sour cream mixture. Place the bowl in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, cut out the top of the pumpernickel or sourdough loaf, and scoop out bread until you have a bowl. Cut up the remaining bread into squares (including Italian loaf)

4. Pour sour cream mixture into the pumpernickel bowl, and arrange the squares of bread around the dip. Dig in and enjoy.

5. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)

Q: What is a baby's motto
A: If at first you don't succeed cry cry again!

Q: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: The word smiles because there is a mile between each s.

Q: What do you call a cow with no feet
A: GROUND BEEF

Q: Why did the banana go to the Dr.?
A: Because it was not peeling well

6. WORDS OF INSPIRATION

“Lying is done with words and also with silence.” Adrienne Rich

“You can best reward a liar by believing nothing of what he says.” Aristippus

”He who tells a lie is not sensible of how great a task he undertakes; for he must be forced to invent twenty more to maintain that one.” Alexander Pope

“The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie.”---Ann Landers

7. SPONSORS

If you can suggest any organizations or websites that might want to sponsor this newsletter, or reprint our articles, please email Cassie or Monicka at kidsgoals.com.

To receive regular installments of the kids goals parent newsletters please scroll to the top of the page and subscribe today!

Join Today! FREE Parent Newsletter for Kids Goal Setting and Parenting Resources