Parent Newsletters - Issue 17

No Limits Learning
kids goals Ezine

Issue 17, September 9th, /06

IN THIS PARENT NEWSLETTER

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS
2. IS YOUR CHILD BEING BULLIED?
3. IS YOUR CHILD A BULLY?
4. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS
5. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)
6. WORDS OF INSPIRATION
7. SPONSORS

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS

Welcome to the next issue of kidgoals.com Newsletter. In this issue Cassie and I are tackling the subject of bullying. Whether you suspect that your child is being bullied, or fear that your child may be a bully, you will find the needed information in this newsletter to help you deal with the situation.

Happy Parenting,

Monicka

2.HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD IF HE/SHE IS BEING BULLIED

When my nine-year-old son’s best friend Michael (not his real name), normally a very healthy child, started having recurring sore throats, his Mother grew concerned and took him to the Doctor. When the Doctor could find nothing wrong with him, Michael confessed to his parents that he had lied about being sick because he didn’t want to go to school. When they questioned him further they were shocked to find out that their son was the victim of a bully. Michael’s parents were especially surprised to find that the bully was someone their son had once considered a friend.

Children who are being bullied are more likely to suffer from depression and low self-esteem. They may fake being sick as in Michael’s case and not want to attend school. Even worse the child may entertain thoughts of suicide.

Children do not usually tell their parents when they are being bullied. Usually it is because they are embarrassed or scared because of threats from the bully that they will suffer the consequences if they tell anyone. If your child tells you he is being bullied it is very important that you take him seriously.

IF YOUR CHILD IS BEING BULLIED

Be supportive and get as much information as you can from your child, what tactics were used and an idea of how often the bullying is occurring.
Do not tell your child to ignore what is happening to him this could exacerbate the problem. If your child could ignore the bully he would have done so already.
Never ask your child if he did something to deserve the bullying.
Find out if other children or adults witnessed the bullying.
Never criticize how your child handles the bullying situation.
Never encourage your child to retaliate; two wrongs do not make a right and if the bullying is happening at school your child may be suspended or expelled.
It is imperative that you contact your child’s teacher and Principal.
Do not contact the parents of the bully as this could make matters worse. The Principal or school official should contact the bully’s parents.
Work with the school to find a solution to the bullying problem.
Once the school has been notified keep tabs on the situation by having regular conversations with your child to see if the bullying has stopped. If it hasn’t stopped notify the school again.
Do all you can to develop your child’s positive attributes. This may help him feel more confident when he is around his peers.
Teach your child how to stay safe. Show them what to do and where to go when they feel threatened by a bully. Make sure your child knows that they can come to you if they are bullied and it is not tattling.

Parents should also keep in mind that bullying could take many forms other than physical abuse. Teasing or name-calling or even sending abusive messages by phone or email is also considered bullying and must be taken seriously. Always emphasize with your child, explain to them that bullying is not right and you are proud of them for having enough courage to come to you.

By Monicka

3. IS YOUR CHILD A BULLY?

“HELP! MY CHILD IS A BULLY!”

Being told that our child is exhibiting bullying behavior can come as a huge shock. It’s likely that our first reaction will naturally be a defensive one. It can be a very hard thing to stomach, the thought that the child we love so dearly might be ill-treating other children.

In this situation, the most important thing to do is to stay calm. We need to face the facts, and gather as much information as possible, while buying ourselves some time to fully understand what is going on and formulating the best possible reaction.

WHAT TO DO FIRST?

1. Defuse the situation if you can. If the person telling you that your child is a bully is another parent, and very upset, it’s imperative that you remain calm yourself, and try to get the other party to calm down and discuss the issue with you rationally. Try saying, “If my child is behaving in a bullying way, I want to understand exactly what is happening so that I can address it and solve the problem.”

2. Take deep breaths, and keep an open mind. As a responsible parent, you need to understand the situation from the point of view of everyone involved – especially from the point of view of your own child. Most bullying stems from insecurity or unhappiness.

3. Formulate some kind of plan before you open the subject with your child, if at all possible, yet remain flexible and willing to have an open conversation and to listen closely to your own child’s point of view before proceeding with anything.

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

There are lots of reasons that bullying can start, but what they usually have in common is that the child who is doing the bullying (like the victims in most cases) has a low self-esteem.

In addition, a child who bullies is likely to have a limited repertoire of social skills – not having many alternative behaviours to draw on in situations that make him or her upset or angry.

The other characteristic common to many bullies is a lack of empathy – which is a learned skill and one that you can help your child develop.

DISCIPLINE

If you establish that there is indeed some bullying going on, clearly some form of discipline is in order. It’s important not to get uncontrollably angry, or to try to solve the problem merely with physical punishment.

Make it very clear to your child that bullying and aggression will not be accepted, and spell out the consequences for any future bullying behavior. It is important to be completely consistent so that the child understands exactly what will happen if he repeats this behavior.

Suitable punishments could include loss of privileges, and especially freedoms that are perhaps being abused – for instance if your child is allowed out to play in the evening, and is bullying other children at this time, a suitable punishment could be having to play in the yard only for one evening, or for a week, depending on the child’s age and severity of the behavior.

Or, if your child has bullied someone by email or mobile phone, loss of use of the PC or phone for a certain amount of time could be more appropriate. Whatever you decide on, make it extremely clear and consistent.

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT

Praise and rewards might seem like they should be the last things on your mind if you are dealing with bullying behaviour, but they are in fact crucial.

Discuss with your child what some appropriate alternatives to aggression are when he or she feels angry or upset. Then observe your child’s interactions and make sure to praise when you see these behaviors.

For example, your child might agree with you that if someone doesn’t play a game the way your child wants, instead of arguing it might be appropriate to walk away. Then, if you see your child storm away from his playmates, be sure to recognize that he is taking a non-confrontational approach to the problem, and praise him for it.

Allow your child to earn special rewards and privileges. Keep track with a calendar (perhaps with stickers for a young child) so that you and your child can measure the positive behavior, and celebrate and reward it accordingly.

OTHER THINGS YOU CAN DO

If your child is young, reading books about bullying together can help.

Talk to your child often about the diversity of people in the world, and explain that everyone has feelings and is a valuable person.

Taking care of a pet is a good way to help a child develop the skill of empathy.

Maintain an atmosphere of love and calmness at home. Don’t allow older siblings to tease a younger child, and don’t allow any destructive criticism. “Home should be a haven of love for all the family” is a great message to get across to your children.

MORE HELP

If the bullying is severe or has been going on for a long time, or if you don’t feel confident you can address the situation effectively on your own, it’s very important to get help. You are likely to find that everyone is supportive and appreciative of your efforts to address the problem.

Your school may have a counselor that can help, or your doctor may be able to recommend someone.

By Cassie

4. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS

KIDS’ CRAFT – ANTI-BULLYING BADGES

In keeping with this month’s theme, we have had original “Say No to Bullies” badges created (thanks to Kevin Martin for the drawings).

Simply print the badges off at http://www.kidsgoals.com/images/anti-bullying-badges.jpg, cut out and stick onto cardboard, then sellotape a safety pin to the back to create your badge. Say NO to Bulling today!

YUMMY NACHOS

(with adult supervision)

1 large bag tortilla chips salted or unsalted (extra thick kind if available)

2-3 cups canned refried beans

½ pound grated cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese or mix ½ and ½

Optional-Sliced Jalapeno peppers, chopped tomato and green pepper

Optional but recommended - Salsa and Guacamole

Sour Cream

Preheat the oven to 350°F.

Arrange a layer of tortilla chips along the bottom of a wide, shallow baking pan that can be used as serving platter also. The layer of tortilla chips can be a couple of chips thick.

Spread the refried beans over the chips (this is why you need extra thick chips, so they don't break when encountering the beans). Sprinkle the grated cheese over the top of chips and beans. Sprinkle slices of jalapeño peppers if desired over the cheese.

Bake in a preheated oven for 10 minutes, or until cheese is melted. 5 minutes in a convection oven. Sprinkle with chopped fresh tomato and green pepper if desired.

Serve in baking pan with dollops of salsa, sour cream and guacamole.

5. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONEFUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)

Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

A ghost joke:
What do you call a ghost's mother and father?
Transparents!

Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!

Q: Why did the banana go to the Dr?
A: Because it was not peeling well

6. WORDS OF INSPIRATION

“Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.” Barbara de Angelis

“Fighting isn't the right response to bullying-for adults. Adults have to find out what makes the bully the way he is and look for reasons and answers and understanding. That's an adult's responsibility.” Philip Pullman

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” Lao Tzu

“Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.” Benjamin Disraeli

7. SPONSORS

If you can suggest any organizations or websites that might want to sponsor this newsletter, or reprint our articles, please email Cassie or Monicka at kidsgoals.com.

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