Parent Newsletters - Issue 12

No Limits Learning
kids goals Ezine

Issue 12, JULY 1st, /06

IN THIS PARENT NEWSLETTER

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS
2. SHYNESS IN CHILDREN
3. TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN TO LISTEN
4. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS
5. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE (JOKES FOR KIDS BY KIDS)
6. WORDS OF INSPIRATION
7. SPONSORS

1. A WORD FROM THE EDITORS

Welcome to the KidsGoals newsletter again.

One of the things that we are both passionate about is helping children grow emotionally. And a very important part of their emotional strength is our children’s relationships with others. So through the newsletter and the KidsGoals website we are going to be providing more and more resources to help you help your children develop their social skills.

In this issue we address the very important topic of shyness. If your child is shy, you may be wondering whether it is “just a phase” or something to be concerned about. What can you do for your child if he or she is showing signs of shyness? Hopefully our article will help!

Our second feature article, again on the topic of social skills, gives ideas for improving your child’s listening skills.

We hope you are enjoying the newsletter as much as we are enjoying writing it! If there is someone you think will benefit from this free ezine please invite him or her to join our growing list of subscribers. The More the Merrier. Please help us by emailing Cassie or Monicka at kidsgoals.com with your questions, comments and suggestions for future issues

Monicka

2. CHILDHOOD SHYNESS

Shyness or bashfulness is perfectly normal in a child’s development and will usually appear at around 5 or 6 months of age and then again at the age of two. At that age it is perfectly natural and no cause for concern. On the other hand if the shyness is prolonged and seems to interfere with the child’s relationships and social interactions it is important that the parent intervenes.

Shyness can manifest itself for a myriad of reasons. Children are constantly being exposed to new experiences. Some children have trouble coping with anything new and tend to withdraw. Other possible causes are:

Constant teasing harassment or criticism- if children are constantly the objects of ridicule, they may feel a need to avoid some social situations and contact with people.
Low self esteem-If children do not feel good about themselves they may perceive that others feel that way about them.
Overprotective parents- if children do not gain a sense of independence, they may lack the assuredness needed to make appropriate decisions for themselves. This may cause insecurity, which can lead to shyness.
Heredity- Shyness seems to run in families but whether the cause is genetic or learned is still up for debate.
Learned behavior- Since children learn by example, parents who are shy often have children who are shy
Lack of consistent parenting- Some parents may believe that by letting their children do things for themselves they are helping to promote independence, which may lead to the child believing that they are not worthy of attention. The child may start to believe that others are not interested in them and may struggle in social situations.

Shyness is extremely painful emotionally for a child and can have negative effects in many areas of a child’s life. Many shy children develop low self-esteem and may lack self worth. Shy children have difficulty making friends and may be so timid that they will not ask for help from teachers which could set them back in their studies. These negative traits can also follow a child into adolescence and adulthood.

On the brighter side shyness is not difficult to correct but it does need a strong commitment from parents or caregivers. The following is a list of things that parents can do to help their children overcome shyness.

Do not tease or let other family members tease your shy child- Children that are constantly teased may withdraw to avoid being teased
Do not allow a shy child to spend too much time alone- Since shy children feel uncomfortable around people they may avoid contact and isolate themselves. Parents need to encourage activities with others and praise their children when they attempt to be sociable.
Provide exposure to new people and new situations- This should be done gradually and make sure to offer lots of support
Do not criticize shy behavior but reward non-shy behavior- Any positive behavior should be rewarded with a smile and words of praise. Keep in mind if a situation is too overwhelming for the child parents should respect their children’s feelings.
Do not speak for the shy child- If the parent is always answering for the child they may reinforce the shy behavior, shy children need to be encouraged to speak for themselves.
Have age appropriate expectations of your child- Keeping in mind your child’s personality do not always expect your shy child to be chatty and outgoing, but they should be expected to respond when someone speaks to them or to participate in most social activities with the family.
Teach responsibility and independence- Provide children with responsibilities that are age appropriate and encourage independence by allowing your child to make decisions and solve their own problems. Always keep the child’s age and ability in mind. These two skills will help to foster self -esteem in your child.
Teach your child to be more assertive- Show your child that they do not have to give in to peer pressure and they should ask for what they want. Avoid fighting your children’s battles for them.
Find hobbies or activities that your child can excel at- If a child feels like they can do something really well it will help to boost their self- confidence, but never force your child to do an activity they are not really interested in.
Positive self talk- Teach your child to say good things about themselves .The more they repeat the positive statements to themselves the quicker they will start to believe.

Shy children sometimes believe that there is nothing that they can do to change how they are feeling. One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to offer lots of love and attention. Show your child through your words and your actions that they are loved.

It doesn’t really matter what caused the shyness in the first place. The most important thing is not to ignore it and hope it will go away. There are many excellent books on the subject of shyness but if your child’s shyness is more than just a passing phase professional help may be in order.

By Monicka

3. “HOW DO I GET MY CHILD TO LISTEN?” – IMPROVING CHILD LISTENING SKILLS

Listening is such an important social skill for everyone, children and adults alike. Giving our children a head start with listening skills will help them in so many ways – and also make our own lives as parents easier in the long run. It can be frustrating and result in stress on both sides if a small child seems to ignore you when you need him or her to pay attention and listen to you.

Improving child listening skills can be done in so many ways; here are some fun ideas for building listening skills during a normal family day.

You probably already read to your child most days. Maybe you haven’t thought about what a great thing this is for helping to improve your child’s listening skills. If you talk with your child briefly about the story once you have finished, you will probably find that he was listening very well, even if he seemed distracted at times as you were reading. If so, you can take the opportunity to compliment him on listening well.

Talk to your child about what “active listening” is, and demonstrate it to her so she understands the concept. For instance, ask her about her day at nursery and use the following as you listen to her:

a. Eye contact

b. Feedback - repeating key points back to her when she pauses

c. Nodding and making encouraging noises like “uh-huh”

Explain to her what you were doing. Then ask her to practise listening actively to you as you tell her something interesting about your day, and praise her when she manages to use the techniques you just taught her.

What about the frustrating days when it seems like your child won’t listen to anything you say? If you’ve never talked to your child about listening skills, then it probably won’t mean much to him if you ask him to “listen to me!” But once you’ve practised the suggestions above a few times, then your child will understand much better and be more likely to respond positively and with improved behavior if you take him calmly to one side and explain that you are having a busy day and please would he listen to you carefully just now.

Improving child listening skills – more advanced ideas

Once your child has mastered the basic listening skills, or if you have an older child, consider getting your child to listen to you even better with some of these ideas:

Asking questions. Show your child how when you are listening actively to her you will wait until she pauses, then prompt her to tell you more by asking a brief question. Get your child to practise this on you. Tell her something about your day (preferably something that will interest her!) but instead of telling her it all, pause and give her the opportunity to prompt you with a question like “what happened next?” or “how did that feel?”
Understanding taking turns. Instead of telling your child off for interrupting, explain why it is more polite to listen properly - and help him to learn the skill of finding natural pauses in conversation before speaking
And finally of course take pride in setting a great example by being a great listener yourself!

By using these ideas and remembering that kids won’t necessarily know what “listening” really means unless you teach them, you can improve your child’s listening skills and reap the added benefit of improving YOUR listening skills too.

By Cassie

4. KIDS CORNER COOKING AND CRAFTS

SUMMER HOLIDAYS MEMORY BOOK

With the summer holidays fast approaching here is a nice idea for a kid's craft - a special "Summer Holidays" memory book.

We've put up a free download specially for our subscribers - a pdf that you can print to create a book for your child to record their experiences in for the holidays. Page 3 of the book is a diary page that you can print multiple times. It's a good idea to get a piece of cardboard (from the side of a cereal box for instance) to use as the last page to make the book more robust. Then use a hole punch to make holes in the pages and the cardboard back, and tie the book together with string or yarn.

Here is the link for the download page: Free Summer Book Download

We hope you enjoy the book and please feel free to share it with your friends!

EASY BANANA BREAD

3 large mashed bananas
½ cup brown sugar
1 1/2 cup whole-wheat flour
½ tsp. Salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 egg
Walnuts (optional)

Add all to the bowl: mix: Put in loaf pan and bake at 350 F oven for 40-45 minutes. Test for doneness by inserting toothpick in centre when it comes out dry it is done. Enjoy.

5. TICKLE YOUR FUNNYBONE

Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A: Nachos Cheese

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick!

Blonde and monkeys

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over, so now we're going to Sea World."

6. WORDS OF INSPIRATION

"All the love in the world is longing to speak; only it dare not, because it is shy! shy! shy! That is the world's tragedy." - George Bernard Shaw

“If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.” Winnie the Pooh

“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” Winnie the Pooh

“I'm shy, paranoid, whatever word you want to use. I hate fame. I've done everything I can to avoid it.” Johnny Depp

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus (Greek philosopher, AD 55-c.135)

“My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.” Anon

7. SPONSORS

If you can suggest any organizations or websites that might want to sponsor this newsletter, or reprint our articles, please email Cassie or Monicka at kidsgoals.com.

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